A controversial recommendation from educator Deanne Carson has child development experts and parents debating the roots of bodily autonomy. Carson suggests that parents ask for a baby’s consent before diaper changes, not with the expectation of a verbal reply, but to establish a foundational respect for the child’s body. This practice, she argues, is the starting point for a lifelong “culture of consent.”
From a developmental perspective, the theory aligns with the principle that children learn through consistent, repeated interactions. While an infant cannot understand the words, they can perceive the tone, rhythm, and intention behind a caregiver’s actions. By verbally narrating the diaper change and pausing to “listen” for a non-verbal response—such as eye contact, a stilling of the body, or a coo—parents are engaging in a primitive form of dialogue. Proponents believe this reinforces trust and teaches, on a subconscious level, that their physical self is their own.
Critics from the psychological and parenting fields strongly disagree. Psychologist John Rosemond has dismissed the idea as potentially creating “a family culture of confusion, mistrust, denial and all-around dysfunction.” The opposition argues that infants lack the cognitive capacity for such concepts and that a parent’s role is to provide confident, nurturing care without introducing unnecessary ambiguity. They contend that responding promptly to a child’s distress cues, like crying from a wet diaper, is a far more direct and effective form of communication and care.
'Sexuality expert' says parents should ask for baby's consent when changing nappies.
Yes, really… pic.twitter.com/iR6wUfP87i
— Sunrise (@sunriseon7) May 10, 2018
The online firestorm reflects a deeper tension in parenting philosophies. Is it beneficial to treat an infant as a conversational partner from day one, or does this project adult concepts onto a pre-verbal mind? Those defending Carson’s intent suggest that even if the method seems exaggerated, the goal of raising children who are confident in setting boundaries is laudable. They see it as an extension of respectful parenting practices.
In conclusion, the diaper consent debate is less about the practicalities of changing a nappy and more about how we conceptualize a child’s personhood. It forces a question for modern parents: At what age do we begin teaching consent, and what do those earliest lessons look like? While the method may not be for everyone, the conversation it has sparked about fostering respect and autonomy is likely to continue.
